Ghost White
by FeistyFeist
Summary: She screams and it's all Ponyboy can hear. One-Shot.


One-shot.

SE Hinton owns the Outsiders. Yay for her!

As always, thanks for reading… Reviews are gobbled up happily.

**11111111111111**

_Man, Darry's going to kill me. _

It's this thought which breaks through his blackness. He tries to move and the cry that erupts from his lips stops any more movement. Everything everywhere hurts. The grass beneath him tickles but he's only vaguely aware of this sensation.

He shuts his eyes and thinks, _Pain, pain go away, come again another day_.

_Or is it rain that comes again?_

When he opens his eyes next he feels bits of broken glass in his lashes. The simple glow of headlights reflect off crunched glass and metal on the ground. Bleary eyes focus on another object opposite him in the distance. The smell and sound of spinning tires and burnt rubber are overwhelming.

That's when he remembers the scream. _"Oh my God!"_

The scream of the girl, ghost-white and hollering a warning to the driver of her darkened car before everything fell silent. The flash of lights, the spinning in the air…

He didn't see the car coming until it was too late.

He used to be in the truck and now he's not. Darry's truck.

He swerved and they still crashed. He swerved and _he_ crashed.

_Boy howdy, did he crash. _

Even though the voice inside tells Ponyboy it was their fault: no headlights, zigzagging across the road like a pinball he can't help but notice the lack of movement from the other car and know they're dead or dying. Maybe six crammed into the car, faces lit up by Ponyboy's headlights, laughter switching to shock and then screams.

He wonders about the ghost-white girl. Her blonde hair now red.

He wonders if he's dying and if he is how Darry will ever forgive him. He wants to ask his brother this.

He wonders if he'll get to college, if he and Steve will ever get along, if Two-Bit will ever get a job…Stupid thoughts but he thinks these anyways.

Ponyboy notices the blood spreading out from under him. A thick, black pool. It's warm, much warmer than he ever thought it would be. He's tired and wants to shut his eyes but Darry's voice (_Don't you dare_) keeps him awake. For the moment.

He can't remember why he took the truck. He supposes it's not important now. He can't change anything. And isn't that what Darry always wanted? For him to change? To get his head out of the clouds and focus and fight and use his head? (_Just once, Pony, can't you use your head?)_

Well, he definitely tried to use it tonight and look where it got him. Bleeding on the side of the road, watching for movement from the other car which never comes.

He knows he'll get the blame. It will be his fault. Just like everything.

And he hurts so bad, needles threading up and down his body. Maybe it's just desserts. He'll go join Johnny and Dal (_where?)._ In heaven or hell. He doesn't know. Does it even matter? Dallas would say no. And Johnny would go along with Dallas. So Pony will too.

He thinks of the rhyme again_. Pain, pain, go away, come again another day_.

Pony laughs, gagging on a coppery liquid in his mouth. He tries to spits only to have the liquid drip miserably down his chin. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and really hopes it's raining right now because his eyes can't stop leaking.

He's so scared.

Maybe it's better this way. This way if Soda never comes back from the jungle Pony will never know. He'll be gone, living in ignorant bliss of Soda's outcome although Pony really hopes his brother comes home safely to Darry and his friends. And he knows Soda promised to come back but promises don't mean shit. Ponyboy winces, really wishing he had mailed that last letter to Sodapop. Instead it's sitting on his dresser.

He tries to move and he screams. He blinks against the blackness swarming. He really wants Darry; someone to hold his hand. Two-Bit to crack a joke even though Ponyboy can't think of anything remotely funny about being in this situation…

His chest hurts something fierce. His breath is wheezy and he's not even going to pretend that he's not crying. It just hurts so goddamn bad that he wants to shut down. Stop all thought and sleep.

And so he does.

**11111111111111**

The first person he sees is Two-Bit. And Ponyboy finds that odd because he's never thought about Two-Bit in a _hold-a-bedside-vigil_ type of way.

Pony croaks his friend's name and Two-Bit spins around. "Glory, you're awake."

"Can I have some water?" Pony asks and Two-Bit goes for the cup and straw. Two-Bit watches him drink and when he's done Ponyboy gives him back the cup.

"Darry went home to change," Two-Bit says.

"The truck's totaled ain't it?" And he doesn't know why he asks this, maybe to deflect attention away or make light but instead Two-Bit looks disturbed.

"_You _got totaled, kiddo. And believe me the truck was the least of our worries." Two-Bit goes on to rattle off Ponyboy's condition: concussion (of course), broken ribs, internal bleeding, broken wrist…Ponyboy tunes him out after a while.

Ponyboy yawns, liking the way Two-Bit includes himself in Darry's problems. Because lord knows Ponyboy gives his brother enough of those as it is. At least Two-Bit is sharing.

"_Oh my God!" the girl screams. _And that's when Pony remembers the ghost-white girl and her warning. The glitter of the headlights…the warmth of the blood…

"—kid?" Two-Bit has a hand on Pony's shoulder. Ponyboy shakes his head to clear the voice. At least the medication makes him feel no pain. What he wants is to feel no memories. He yawns again as Two-Bit tells him he'll find the doctor and Darry but Ponyboy is already asleep.

**11111111111111**

When Ponyboy opens his eyes next, Darry's there. Seeing Ponyboy wake, Darry sighs the sigh of a very tired man.

"Are you mad at me?" Ponyboy asks.

Darry gives the youngest a strange look. "You know I'm not. It wasn't your fault. They were drag racing down the back roads without any headlights on. They were drunk too."

_Six of them…no one left the car…so quiet_

"They almost killed you," Darry says and his voice is bitter, unforgiving.

Ponyboy meets Darry's eyes. "Soda?"

"I haven't told him anything," Darry says. "I was waiting to see—" Here, Darry's voice cuts off, like someone hit mute.

Ponyboy understands and as he watches Darry fight with his emotions he's glad Soda doesn't know. Making Soda worry whether Pony was going to pull through or not wasn't something they were willing to chance. They need Soda's mind focused on Soda.

Darry reaches over to touch Ponyboy's cheek, his touch strong and warm all at once (_warm like the blood in Ponyboy's body_). "How do you feel?"

"I'm okay," Pony says, knowing this will be his wooden mantra for the next few months. But it's not because he's in pain, the meds are taking care of that. It's because he remembers the ghost-white girl and her scream.

**11111111111111**

Pony finds out that five died. The sixth is in a coma. He doesn't ask if it's the ghost-white girl. He doesn't want to know.

**11111111111111**

She visits Pony in his dreams. She screams, mouth and teeth forcing the words into his ears.

Pony screams, his voice an echo to hers.

**11111111111111**

Two-Bit brings him a book. Between him and Darry switching shifts Ponyboy's never been alone. Two-Bit chatters anxiously while Darry always sits, watching him. Ponyboy wishes he wouldn't because he feels a lot like crying when Darry does this.

"How are you feeling?" Two-Bit asks, setting the book on Ponyboy's lap.

"I'm okay."

"You're a terrible liar, you know that right?"

Ponyboy sighs, playing with the edges of the book. "I just don't know what else to say."

Two-Bit sits beside him. "That's okay. Neither do I."

"You know what Two-Bit?"

"What kid?"

"When I was just lying there…on that road…I wondered…" Ponyboy stifles a laugh. "I wondered if you'd ever get a job."

"Oh kid," Two-Bit's voice is sad. "You had way too much time on your hands." Two-Bit sticks his hand out to pat Ponyboy's knee. "But I'm glad you're sticking around to find out."

**11111111111111**

He has the nightmare again and this time Darry's there. Darry sits on the edge of the bed, rubbing his shoulder while Ponyboy lets himself cry. Darry keeps quiet and for this Ponyboy's thankful. Darry's not Soda; he's different but he's just as good.

"I'm always going to remember, Darry," Ponyboy says, trying to sit up and failing. His stomach aches from the act. "She screamed and it's all I hear. Nothing else."

Then Ponyboy finds himself telling Darry about the glittery glass, the ghost-white girl and his thoughts about Soda and never coming home again. "I kept waiting for someone to walk out of the car but no one did."

"You did," Darry says and his face is just as white as the girl in the car.

"I still feel like it's my fault," Ponyboy mumbles as Darry begins shaking his head in protest. Pony glances up. "Who survived?"

"Pony…"

"Dar…was it the girl?"

"No, Pony. It wasn't. It was some boy." _Some boy like you_, hangs unsaid in the air.

Darry sticks his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his eyes blue but not icy. "You probably won't forget. But it will get better. Give it time."

Pony nods, swallowing the lump in his throat. Darry moves to his brother, sitting on the edge of the hospital bed and doing what Pony wanted him to that night as he lay on the dark side of the road. Darry takes his hand and talks to him.

And Ponyboy forgets the ghost-white girl for a while and he thinks that just maybe he can do it. He can forget.

**11111111111111**

He doesn't forget right away. He gets out of the hospital and goes home. He heals his body but his mind is taking its time. Pony's life gets somewhat back on track all the while punctuated with nightmares and feeling the guilt that no one got out of that damn car.

She screams and Ponyboy tells her to shut up.

**11111111111111**

Darry fusses and that's okay too because Darry's earned it. He makes sure Ponyboy does his chores, finishes his homework, all the normal things like before. But sometimes when his brother isn't home at the right time or wakes up screaming from a nightmare, Darry tries to breathe very slowly.

**11111111111111**

Ponyboy writes Sodapop and Soda writes back madder than hell he was kept in the dark. _You could have died_, Soda's loopy scribble reads. _When was Darry planning to tell me? When in the hell would I have known? _

And Ponyboy knows that whenever Soda gets home – no matter how much time has passed – that Darry and Soda will have words.

Ponyboy writes Steve too. It's nothing much just a _How are you?_ and a magazine sent over but he gets a letter back and supposes it's a start.

Two-Bit gets a job; whether it's to throw Pony a bone for surviving the accident or just sheer coincidence Pony doesn't know. All he does know is that Two-Bit can sell cars pretty damn well.

**11111111111111**

One night Ponyboy wakes up, sweat beading down his face from his most recent nightmare, the taste of the scream on his tongue. He sits up, blinking into the dark room. He's awake but decides to finish the scream.

It's loud and it brings Darry into the room but it feels oh so good.

**11111111111111**

When Soda gets home six months later, he nearly strangles Pony in his hug. But Ponyboy doesn't care because he is so glad he gets this moment; his brother is back. Soda grips both sides of Pony's face in his palms. "I promised you didn't I?"

Then Soda says, "Oh my God," (_the same words of the ghost white girl_) in relief and hugs his brother again.

And even though Ponyboy tenses at the phrase her scream isn't as loud as it has been.

He still hears it but it's fading.

**11111111111111**

The End

Thanks for reading. Pardon typos and reviews are much appreciated.

P.s. Sorry about the weird formatting between scene breaks. FF wouldn't let me add asterisks and was pissing me off so you get 1's in a row. Joy.


End file.
